Disclaimer
by NerdGirl394
Summary: Just a heads up that I don't own anything I write about in a (hopefully) funny oneshot. "I" is me, the author, by the way. I'm trying to say it's written in my own perspective.


"Hello fellow fangirls! My name is NerdGirl394, and I've read a lot of fanfiction on this site. A lot. And one thing that I see quite often is a disclaimer. Obviously, disclaimers are incredibly important, because they state that you don't own the story that you're writing about. Luckily for me, I don't need disclaimers because I own Harry Potter!" I announced, looking around.

"No you don't." Harry Potter said.

"No! I don't mean you! I mean your book series! I own it." I informed him.

"You still don't." Hermione Granger told me.

"Of course I do! I'm obviously J.K. Rowling!" I proclaimed.

"Yes, because J.K. Rowling is a teenage girl on a computer." Ron Weasley said.

"Exactly! I always knew you were smart, Ron! No matter what anyone else said!" I exclaimed.

"I don't know if I should take that as an insult or a compliment…"

"He was being sarcastic! And I know about sarcasm, it's my middle name!" Harry said.

"Your middle name is James." I told him.

"Do you see what I'm holding right now?" He questioned.

"A blank piece of parchment?"

"It's the list of people who asked for your opinion."

"Merlin, you are sassy, aren't you?" I asked.

"Okay! Back to the topic, you're not Joanne Rowling, I'd trust you know that." Hermione told me.

"What are you talking about?! Even Ron said I was her, remember?" I asked, gesturing to the redhead in question.

"I was being sarcastic."

"Oh, right. That… But I'm still J.K. Rowling! I can prove it to you! Hermione, don't roll your eyes like that!" I exclaimed when I noticed what she had done.

"It's hard when you're talking to a stupid person. How are you going to try and prove to the world that you are not, in fact, a teenage girl and the brilliant J.K. Rowling?" She asked.

"Well, firstly, I don't have any grammar errors! How could I have done that if I weren't an author?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips.

"That's an incorrect statement. You have some grammatical errors here and there. Besides, it's not my fault you're a grammar nazi! It doesn't make you an author… I mean, I thought I liked school but jeez… You're really awful." She told me.

"I'm going to pretend that's a compliment." I replied.

"So what was the second reason you're J.K. Rowling?" Harry asked.

"Uh… I don't know. I didn't think you'd still be doubting me by now…"

"Wow, Hermione; you're right. She is stupid." Ron said.

"Hey!"

"Yeah, she couldn't even make this funny; how's she supposed to keep a fanfiction account going?" Harry asked. I turned around, huffing and crossing my arms.

"Well… Well I'm sorry that I suck at disclaimers, okay?! I just saw people being so creative in theirs, so I had to try and do something! I- I just want someone to appreciate me! I didn't even want to write you three in here! You're not even my favorite characters! But I had to since you're the golden trio and… and…" I trailed off.

"Shh… it's alright, don't cry. I didn't mean what I said… Just don't cry, because that'll make this that much less entertaining. I think you've already lost your audience. You're a great author, and you're not stupid." Hermione assured me.

"You're right! I'm not stupid! I'm just really dumb!" I exclaimed.

"Exactly!" Ron agreed.

"And I've created a somewhat creative disclaimer that is the perfect thing if someone wants to read a disclaimer that's more than two pages long!" I added.

"Er… yes! You're absolutely right! A reader who's still reading this has to be at least as dumb as you are, so you're really not alone (that one's on you, reader)!" Harry exclaimed.

"Of course! You guys are great! Still not my favorite characters, but great!" I told them.

"I'll take it!" Ron exclaimed.

"Now untie our hands please and you can begin writing actual content for the nonexistent readers!"

I looked at Hermione for a moment. Then I burst out laughing.

"What? Untie you? HA! You really do know how to make me laugh, Hermione!" I said between laughs.

"No, really. I haven't seen my parents in days, can you please let us go?!" Hermione asked.

"Maybe tomorrow." I said.

"You said that two weeks ago!"

"What can I say? I'm a procrastinator! Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed my ridiculously long disclaimer so you won't have to see any awful attempts at humor with disclaimers on this account ever again! I just thought it would be easier to get that over with in the very beginning. I'll talk to you all later, goodbye!" I told… you?

"What was that? It sounded like an outro for a YouTube video."

"Be quiet, will you?"


End file.
